Who is an Husband?
The English word “husband” comes from “late Old English (in the senses ‘male head of a household’ and ‘manager, steward’), from Old Norse húsbóndi ‘master of a house’, from hús ‘house’ + bóndi ‘occupier and tiller of the soil’. The original sense of the verb was ‘till, cultivate’.”
Who is Steward
A steward represents the owner and reports to the owner. This puts the focus on cultivation for the owner who gives the final approval. There is therefore a sense of responsibility and accountability involved in this setup. The process of cultivation includes among other things; turning the soil, removing weeds, gathering up stones and twigs to be discarded in readiness for seed planting, and applying manure to feed the plant. This describes what it takes to nurture and nourish the plant until it produces a harvest.
As a man who has been a husband for thirty-three years, I have discovered some secrets for being a great husband to my wife.
1. I give my wife my undivided attention all the time.
This is especially true when she has something she needs to talk about. I discovered later in our marriage that my wife thinks by talking. This means that, as she talks she is processing her thoughts and getting clarification on what she needs to do. It sounds crazy but that is the gospel truth. So I just let her talk, even when I need to be heard on some issues, I just let her talk. Not letting a woman talk may lead to a nervous breakdown. Therefore it is very important that as husbands we need to zip our mouths and maybe even our brains and just allow your wife to talk uninterrupted. Just follow her with meaningful expressions of engagement in what she is saying to you. No advice needed. Just listen. Okay?
2. My wife can ask me for anything she wants.
“The Lord will provide” is my usual answer. This sounds like a diversion, yet it is a relief for me because I have handed the request into the hands of the one who can do something about it. I remember her requesting that we take a trip to Singapore when we still lived in Nigeria. It took us three years of waiting and planning. Last year we got to fulfil the request. Before that, we got an all-expense-paid trip to Hong Kong. So try “the Lord will provide” and let me know how it worked in your marriage. It works in mind.
3. I do a lot to lighten the work my wife has to do around the house.
Yes, I do a lot of housework. The interesting thing is, my wife finds it erotic. When she wakes up in the morning and finds out that I have done some things around the house, for example; cleaning up the kitchen or cleaning up the living room, or making up the bed, or doing the laundry, it puts her mind at rest, she becomes relaxed and sometimes even in the mood for sexual intimacy. Yes! It pays great dividends. I see it as part of cultivating my garden. Some may be cynical and call it bribing my wife, I will say it is doing my part in the partnership. Removing stones, digging up weeds, and clearing up rubbish makes the plants in a garden breathe freely and flourish. Since I am always looking for a great harvest as a good Gardner, I do my part and leave the rest to God.
4. I choose to speak softly to my wife.
Harsh words are like pouring hot water on a thirsty plant in your garden. It has been discovered that 89% of conflicts that are not resolved in marriages are a result of men who do not accept the soft starts or influences of their wives for resolution. According to Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute, men need to be intentional about accepting the “turning toward” of their wives. That is, men should become purposeful in accepting the efforts of their wives to resolve a bad situation and make things right. In the Bible book of Matthew 19:8, Jesus told a group of men that the reason Moses put a divorce clause in his writing was because of the stubbornness or hardness of the hearts of the men. I have decided to change that in my marriage. I choose to have a soft heart and speak soft words of encouragement and care to my wife. She needs to hear from me how beautiful she is and how grateful I am for having her in my life.
5. I know my wife’s love language and speak it well.
My wife loves shopping but I do not. My wife loves receiving gifts, I do not. My wife loves to have things done for her, I do not. So knowing my wife’s love languages and speaking them fluently makes her extremely happy in our relationship. A wife that loves to spend time with her husband but instead receives expensive gifts will still be miserable even after receiving the gifts. Same also a wife who loves service, that is having things done for her will not appreciate a husband who wants to sit and talk to her all day while the whole house is cluttered and dirty. There are apps for getting to know your spouses’ love language. One that I use is Love Nudge designed by the Moody Institute. Download and start using it. Let me know how it does.
There are more secrets to becoming a great husband. These are just a few to start with. Explore our courses in Safe Academy and discover more.
